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      So it’s November 7th, and you’re bored. Someone’s going to be elected to the most powerful office in the world, and you really couldn’t care less. That’s too bad. Why doesn’t the American public care about the presidential elections? Because they don’t involve alcohol.

      All the major events that get Americans riled up–the Super Bowl, the Stanley Cup, the NFL Finals, the World Series and the Golden Globe awards–involve the imbibing of massive amounts of alcohol. The presidential elections simply doesn’t have that same allure.

      We here at the Daily Rabbit aim to change that. We want to encourage civil responsibility. And to accomplish this lofty goal, we’ve developed the Official Daily Rabbit Election Night Drinking Game. Sure, by the end of the night, you won’t know what the fuck is going on, but at least you’ll be watching the news coverage.

You’ll need:

• A goodly amount of friends.
• A goodly amount of beer.
• A television set that can get all the major networks–ABC, NBC, Fox and PBS. CBS doesn’t count. Sorry, Dan Rather.
• A rather permissive R.A. (Freshman college students only).

A couple of other pre-requisites: Everyone has to declare their support for one candidate at the beginning of the night. This should be the person you voted for, but hell, we know you still didn’t vote. You can’t change this candidate halfway through the night, so pick well. We’re assuming you aren’t picking Nader, but if you do, we hope you have a high tolerance.

• Every time your candidate wins a state, drink a two-count of beer.
• Every time another candidate wins a state, drink a four-count of beer.
• Every time the news displays percentage results for the Presidential Election, drink the difference between the leading candidate and your own. (e.g. if Gore has 50% of the vote, Bush 45% and Nader 5%, and you chose Bush, drink a five count. If you chose Nader, drink a forty-count.)
• Every time the News Anchor directly mentions your candidate, take a sip of beer.
• If he/she uses the candidate’s full name, drink a five-count.
• If returns are interrupted to run a story about the history of your candidate’s campaign, drink half a beer. If it’s not your candidate, drink half a beer anyway.
• Every time the New York Senate race is mentioned, take a sip of beer.
• Every time the news displays percentage results for the New York Senate race , everyone drinks a two-count.
• If Hilary Clinton wins New York, drive to Chappaqua, NY and blare Rage Against the Machine in front of her house. (Note: Only applicable to residents of Chappaqua and Pleasantville, NY. Remember to choose a Designated Driver. Don’t Drink and Drive.)
• If Nader wins a state, everyone shotguns one beer, except for Nader’s supporters, who celebrate with the controlled substance of their choice.
• If Buchanan wins a state, everyone shotguns two beers, except for the dirty wetbacks from Mexico, who must shotgun three.
• If Libertarian Harry Brown is even mentioned, shotgun a beer for the hell of it.
• If Adolf Hitler wins a state, you have two options. One, call a hospital ’cause you ain’t goin’ nowhere. Two, finish off the cases ’cause son, the country gone to shit.

And most of all: have fun.